So what now????

I am bored. I have lots to do. After all, I'm getting married in four months. I have invitations to design, wedding programs to type, place card to print, seating to arrange. . . the list goes on and on. So how can I find the time to be bored. l guess I'm bored because I'm wishing there was something else to focus on. Don't get me wrong. I am excited to be getting married, starting a new life, (getting to do the nasty, LOL) and just getting my grown lady on. I kinda wish I could just fast forward past this part. Folks say "enjoy ur planning." Before I was engaged, I was sooo into planning and different ideas and this and that, but now, it just seems like the "thing" that's between my present and my future. Life is funny that way I guess. Oh well, back to planning. . .

Who am I . . . .

Good question.

I'm a woman, a fiance', a Delta, a probation officer, an Aries, a Seventh-Day Adventist, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a tutor, a singer, a dancer . . . . but is that who I am? Or is that what I do?

Like anyone, I've been fashioned by the hand life has dealt to me. I've had trials, I've had triumphs. Many choices made, if given the chance to do over would definitely result in a change . . . places I've gone . . . . people I've "seen." Thinking back to some of the choices I've made makes me question myself, "Who was that girl?" Does she even know what she's doing? So as I've matured and grown, I reflect and ask myself, "Who am I?"

I am head-strong and I have an ATTITUDE. At the same time, I cry for commercials and my heart sinks when I see the missing pet signs. I'm mean . . . I'm sweet . . . I'm guarded . . . I'm open . . . I'm curious . . . . I'm disinterested . . . I love hard . . . I hardly love . . . I'm interesting . . . I'm boring. I'm organized confusion and ambiguously straightforward. I'm a work in progress . .
I. Am. Ms. Understood

What does Mother's Day mean . . . .

I'm a big fan of wikipedia. Yes, sometimes the information is inaccurate because it is user created and can be user manipulated, but it is a great place to start your research. Mother's Day was this past Sunday. To be honest, I haven't celebrated Mother's Day in the past nine years and I actually forgot that it was approaching until I saw all the ads selling from flowers to chocolates to 50" televisions. Commercially, Mother's Day is big business. Some sources say that twice as many flowers are sold on Mother's Day than its close rival Valentine's Day. But what does any of it mean? The history of Mother's Day in the US is very different from its status today. It was an initiative pushed by Anna Jarvis. Anna's mother passed away in 1905 when Anna was about the age of 40. Two years later, in memory of her mother, she campaigned to have the holiday recognized as a day to honor mothers. She soon realized that once something becomes recognized, it becomes boxed and sold. She is quoted to have said, "A printed card means nothing except that you are too lazy to write to the woman who has done more for you than anyone in the world. And candy! You take a box to Mother—and then eat most of it yourself. A petty sentiment!"

Unlike Anna, I do enjoy cards. Sometimes someone else can put together what you feel into a beautiful card for a mere $5.99. But I do see her point. A five minute phone call to your momma and hearing the words "I love you" come from your lips beats a $5.99 card a hundred times over. Say it everyday that you can.

The last time I spoke to my mother was September 17, 1999. My father called me from her hospital room. She was on pain meds as the cancer was just too much for her to bear. The last thing I said to my mother was "I love you." She said something back. Under the influence of the pain meds, her speech was unclear, but I know what she said (sometimes all you need is a groan). The next day my aunt came to my school and told me my mom left. I was a 19-year-old college senior, already shaken by losing someone else very dear to me a mere few weeks earlier. We were celebrating my friend's birthday, now every year her day of birth means something very sad for me. So like I said, I haven't celebrated Mother's Day in nine years. Instead, I celebrate her everyday. That's what Mother's Day means . . . . .

What a way to start a blog . . .

Ms. Understood