I love blogging . . . Right???

I was speaking with my friend Audrey @ I'm So Aud about this last week.  I was trying to express to her how I've been feeling about blogging.  Real Talk. . . I was feeling confused and empty.  Then this blog title popped into my head.  I LOVE blogging.  I really do.  It is an awesome outlet for me, but for this past week, I've had to force myself to think of something worthwhile to post about. I came up with nothing. photo credit

I mean, I've lived a full life, right?  Didn't I have a great childhood, filled with crazy stories.  Like that one time I thought I was being kidnapped.  Or when I almost drowned.  My first kiss. . . I mean I have great stories, right?  Wouldn't someone want to read them? Wouldn't I want to share them?  So what's my problem?  I don't know.

My blogging is the polar opposite of how I live my life.  On here, I give it to you straight, no chaser. No smoke.  No mirrors.  "In real life," I keep my cards close to my chest.  If you don't know, then you'll probably never know and don't need to know. That's me.  But here, somehow, I bare it all.  Maybe that dissonance has finally come to a head.

Are your words ever trapped in your head?  How do you get them out?  Do you ever wonder if you should keep on blogging?

Remember to check out Tell Me Something Good Blog for amazing daily conversation!

How often do you do it . . .

Every time he takes you to your favorite restaurant for dinner?  When he brings home that necklace you've been eyeballing for weeks?  Whenever he mows the lawn or serves you breakfast in bed?  Or is it the simple things that bring it out of you.  When he holds the door for you to walk through or when he helps you to put on your coat?  What does it take, for you do it?  How often do you say Thank You?  What?  You thought I was talking about something . . . Oooh, you nasty . . . 
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It's easy to remember to say it when you receive the big things, but do you remember to say Thank You for the simple things?

Right now, I'm gonna take this opportunity to send a big THANK YOU to CK and Becka at Made By Bedtime Tales for awarding me the Versatile Blogger Award (#3) and to Ms. Baby Plan  at The Baby Plan for awarding me the One Lovely Blog Award.  Both awards ask you to list 7 things about yourself so I'm cheating and combining.  

1.  I had the highest road test score of anyone I knew (98% lost two points for driving too slowly) until I met an ex who told me he scored 100%.  To this day I think he was lying.
2. I'm usually a happy blogger, but the one thing that ruffles me is when people don't even read my post, but use the comment section to post their 30 blog links and twitter aliases.
3. By the time I was two years old, I had already lived in three different countries although neither of my parents were in the military.
4. When I was 16, my father bought me a Gucci watch.  When I was 21, it was stolen.  I would love to buy myself another one, but I can't rationalize spending that much money on a watch when I don't wear them.
5. My husband married me for my looks, not my cooking, LOL.
6. My laptop is pink.  My camera is pink.  I have a pink coin purse and a pink wristlet.  But I hate the color pink. (I buy pink things because it reminds me of breast cancer awareness)
7. When I laugh uncontrollably, I snort.  Not repeatedly like a pig , but every now and again one slips out.

*Here's a bonus.  I dislike long posts (especially long posts written by me), so I'm going to inform the award recipients of their awards directly.

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It's so hard to say . . .

Three simple words, but they might be the hardest words to say.  They make your palms sweat and your heart beat a little faster.  You consider, reconsider and consider again before you let them escape your lips.  Should I say it?  Maybe he should say it first?  Why do I have to be the one to say it?  You give in and you say those three words . . .

I am sorry.

And it's like a cool breeze on a hot summer day.  The tension, still there, but just a little lighter.  Still upset or hurt, but not as angry.  Why are those words so filled with relief, yet so hard to say?  One word.  Power.

When you were young and played capture the flag, cops and robbers or, like our precocious group, find and grind (a story for another day), the captor had the power.  The captured person had none.  They were at the mercy of the captor.  Likewise, "I am sorry" causes one to flinch because power has been shifted to the recipient.  Now they can decide to accept or reject.  Who would want to give up power?  But there is power in just saying those words.

In 2005, an article was posted about a couple, who at that time, had the world's longest marriage.  At the time of the article, Percy and Florence Arrowsmith were about to celebrate 80 years of marriage.  When asked what was the secret to their success, Florence said, "If you've had a quarrel, you make it up - never be afraid to say sorry." 

Florence hit it on the head.  Don't let your fear of saying "I am sorry" prevent you from moving into a better place in your relationship.  For me, that's a hard pill to swallow, but I plan to make it until death does us part.

Don't forget to check out Tell Me Something Good for daily conversation.  We've got something new everyday.

Yin . . . Yang . . .

I liked the "bad boy."  He was the opposite of me.  I was Yin.  He was Yang.  And we were headed straight for destruction.

I should have known that something was not quite right when he "found" me one day at work.  Stalked might be a more accurate term.  He searched four floors of an office building until he found me.  He said someone told him where I sat.  I told him he was a liar.  He admitted my suspicions were right.  Caution bells rang in my head.  I turned off the volume. 

So time passed.  We dated.  I was not attracted to him physically.  He was average height and skinny.  Not my style.  But he was gritty.  Urban.  Different . . . Wrong.  And I liked that.  And he liked that I was the good girl.  He was guns, drugs and alcohol.  I went to church every week.  A match made in hell.  I felt the fire.  I turned off my senses.

The relationship went the course that all bad relationships go.  He was jealous.  He was abusive.  And I stayed.  He didn't want me around my friends or family.  Yet I stayed . . . until I couldn't take it anymore.  The only way out was for him to leave me.  So I made him miserable.  Risky, but it worked.  He left.  I sold my house and moved.  Sometimes you have to leave it all behind.

Often times I think, oh, if I could do it over again.  If I had simply heeded to the warning signs. How different, how happy, that time in my life would have been.  Then I remember, the slightest change in my life could have set me on a course that led me away from my husband.  So I say to myself, it was all worth it because in I truly am the Yin to his Yang.

This post was written for Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop. 
Prompt #1 was "If you could do it over again . . . "

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I feel something in there . . .

You know that feeling . . . in your gut.  No, not that feeling you get after you ate something that you found in the back of the fridge, couldn't remember when you put it there and knew it smelled funny when your raised it to your mouth . . . or after eating bad food at a wedding (my poor husband had quite a day yesterday).  Nope, I'm not talking about that feeling that causes you to pop two effervescent pills into a glass or water, pinch your nose and take it down the gullet (lol).  However, I believe that's affectionately known as the bubble guts.  I'm talking about a different kinda feeling in your gut.  The type that makes you wanna jump on Oprah's couch and shout to the high heavens (thank you Tom Cruise).

I'm being featured!! (click to link)  I have to thank Teri @ The Bipolar Diva for recommending me to Dee @ Say Anything.  Please, check out the feature and come back and tell me what you think.

And if that wasn't enough going on, Christina @ Being Mrs. Jones and I are finally ready to share what we've been working on.  Stop in at Tell Me Something Good.  This blog was dreamed up after a blogger comment snafu.  Christina and I spent the day emailing back and forth and Tell Me Something Good was born.  We can't wait to hear from you.


The word of the week is Effervescent, of which one meaning is: (Chemistry) (of a liquid) giving off bubbles of gas; bubbling.  Join in the Word Up, Yo, a word meme by Natalie, Kristen and Liz.  Click on the Word Up, Yo button to link in.